LNHCP #27: It's All In The Timing Part Two
The Continued MisAdventures of Bad-Timing Boy
"If at first you don't suceed... the sky-diving's just not for you."
"Gah!" Bad-Timing Boy tried to dodge as the woman who had identified herself
as Good-Timing Girl thrust her sword at his throat. The tip of it pricked at
his throat and began to dig in.
"Wait! Wait! What did I ever do to you?"
"You existed! You're endangering the lives of my people, the Valhallies!"
"I've never even heard of your people!" Bad-Timing Boy pressed himself
further into the floor, trying to get away from the sword.
"We're from another plane of existence, and your powers are disrupting our
world, you _have_ to die." cried Good-Timing Girl. Tears were beginning to
form in her eyes as she pressed the sword in closer.
"Please!" B-TB begged, "Gack! I'm a net.hero! I'd never hurt anyone...
intentionally." he added, thinking of the problems he'd had earlier that day
[see the previous issue -J].
"Nevertheless, I have my world to think of!" cried Good-Timing Girl,
determination firming her mouth and she prepared herself to end B-TB's life.
"Get away from him!" yelled Cheesecake-Eater Lad, who had regained
conciousness during this. He hurled a cheesecake at her but she had already
moved out of its way. Good-Timing Girl reached out a hand and caught the
cheesecake as it passed, effortlessly she flung it back at C-E Lad.
The door to the kitchen burst open and two more legionaires piled through the
door. "What's all the yelling about?" asked Browsing Boy.
"Stop her before she kills Bad-Timing Boy!" yelled C-E Lad, trying to brush
the cheesecake out of his eyes.
Browsing Boy and Ordinary Lady jumped Good-Timing Girl. She danced
easily out of Browsing Boy's way and hit him over the head with the
hilt of her sword. He went down unconcious.
Ordinary Lady was a bit more cautious, she circled G-T Girl slowly and
carefully, looking for any weaknesses.
Bad-Timing Boy stood up and Cheesecake-Eater Lad cleared out the goop from
his eyes just in time to witness the following.
Without any warning whatsoever, Ordinary Lady leapt up in an incredible jump
kick, which would have totally annihilated Good-Timing Girl had she not
slipped and gone down to one knee just as the kick was launched. Good-Timing
Girl slammed a punch upward with her free hand and Ordinary Lady crumpled to
the floor, clutching at the back of her knee.
"Now, you're finished!" G-TG cried, turning to face B-TB once more.
"Run for it Bad-Timing Boy!" Cheesecake-Eater Lad said, throwing himself at
Good-Timing Girl, who neatly sidestepped and let him land in a sack of
flour. Bad-Timing Boy ran for it. Good-Timing Girl was about to pursue him
when another legionaire entered the kitchen.
"We're being attacked." said Sister State-The-Obvious.
"Not all of you, just the ones who GET IN MY WAY!" shouted Good-Timing Girl.
The shout distracted Sister State-The-Obvious and enabled G-T Girl to trip
her up and knock her unconcious. Good-Timing Girl cursed briefly and then
charged out in pursuit of Bad-Timing Boy.
***
Bad-Timing Boy was in a panic. He was not used to beautiful half-dressed
women trying to kill him for being a danger to their home worlds and he was
totally lost as to what to do next.
The first thing I need is a weapon he decided. Then he thought about how
easily Good-Timing Girl had taken out Ordinary Lady - a formidable fighter.
Check that, he thought, the first thing I need is a good hiding place!
Suddenly he stopped his headlong dash - and I know just where I can get
both! He though jubilantly, speeding up again and taking a corner.
***
Good-Timing Girl was in hot pursuit. As she ran she blamed herself. This was
supposed to have been a simple operation. Get in, find the source of the
disruptions and kill him or her. But she'd let herself panic at the thought
of actually killing someone, and now she'd lost her quarry and alerted the
place that she was there. It was not going well. Good-Timing Girl suddenly
turned a corner, thereby avoiding a squadron of LNHers who were trying to
find her. She found herself outside a large door. Hearing more people
heading this way, she opened it, and stepped inside.
***
Somewhere Else: (again)
"She should have been back here by now!"
The Sorcerix sighed, "She'll be fine. It's her first assignment of such
importance. She's probably just taking her time and doing it right."
"I hope so."
"So do I." said The Sorcerix softly, "For all our sakes."
The other figure heard her, and hid a smile.
***
"What _is_ this?" gasped Good-Timing Girl. She'd opened a door in a building,
and now she found herself in... a forest?!
A rustle nearby made her look around.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..." yelled Bad-Timing Boy, swinging down from a tree on a
vine, trying to buckle his swashes at the same time. With a snap, the vine
broke and he fell sprawling at the feet of Good-Timing Girl.
"Uh, that wasn't supposed to happen." he said, staring up into her eyes. He
watched as they hardened and she reached for her sword.
"Uh oh." he said, and grabbed for it as well.
Their hands met on the hilt. There was a brief flare of sparks. Then
Good-Timing Girl backhanded him viciously, knocking him 3 feet away.
"Infidel! You _dare_ touch my heartsword?" she drew the sword menacingly,
"This time I shall not falter, you _shall_ perish."
Bad-Timing Boy lunged at her again, but she danced easily out of his way and
kicked him as he fell past her.
"You don't get it do you clumsy?" she taunted, moving smoothly away. "I have
the power that I am always in the right place at the right time. And you,
with your bad luck, can never hope to defeat me."
Bad-Timing Boy was back on his feet, a panicky expression on his face,
dammit! He was a net.hero! And he was going to _be_ one and _act_ like one
and no skimpily dressed homicidal babe was going to stop him! A noble
expression crossed his face, then an expression of determination and
stubborness settled there. Once more he grabbed for the sword. Good-Timing
Girl stepped back out of reach, but Bad-Timing Boy tripped on the broken
tree-root and continued his grab. His hands once more held the hilt of the
sword and he strained against her grip, trying to wrestle it from her.
Good-Timing Girl felt particularly odd. B-TB's hands were clenched furiously
around hers and the sword and she couldn't shake him loose. There was an odd
humming noise that was building itself up in volume.
***
All-Knowing-Last-Chance-Whiner-Destiny Woman stared down from the Peril Room
control room. She'd already alerted the other LNHers to the battle waging
below and they were on their way. She had meant to go down to help
Bad-Timing Boy but she was mesmerised by the action. Sparks were flying from
the sword and it was glowing with a bright golden flame. Bad-Timing Boy was
glowing also, and so was his antagonist as they wrestled back and forth.
***
Bad-Timing Boy felt as though his head was going to explode. He'd managed to
regain his feet and now he and Good-Timing Girl were struggling for
possession of the sword. He'd probably be okay if it weren't for the
sensation of pressure building up in him.
Good-Timing Girl was aching all over, she felt weak and strange, and the
buzzing in her ears was getting stronger.
***
All-Knowing-Last-Chance-Whiner-Destiny Woman stared as the sword glowed
violently gold, then shifted to black, and then exploded, throwing
Bad-Timing Boy and Good-Timing Girl to opposite ends of the Peril Room.
***
Good-Timing Girl staggered to her feet. She looked around. Bad-Timing Boy
lay where the explosion had thrown him, unmoving. She had to finish him
_now_, she moved towards him, but she tripped on the same vine that he had
swung in on and broken, the same one, B-TB had tripped over earlier. Falling
to the ground she prepared to crawl over to finish the job when suddenly the
Peril Room doors opened and LNHers began to pour in. Giving the job up for
useless she decided to come back later.
Good-Timing Girl used all of her strength to teleport herself away, imaging
her home. When she opened her eyes, she found herself knee-deep in...
"A swamp? YUCK!"
***
Ultimate Ninja moved over to Bad-Timing Boy's body, Doctor Stomper was
already there.
"Is he alright?" he asked.
Doctor Stomper shook his head, "I don't know. We'll have to get him to the
medical bay, _quickly_."
UN nodded and organised a stretcher team. Then he turned to the remaining
legionaires.
"I want everyone who met the attacker in my office _now_. As for the rest of
you, since you're here you might as well do some practice sessions.
All-Knowing-Last-Chance-Whiner-Destiny Woman _what_ are you doing?"
All... etc [there is a limit to how many times I feel like typing her name
in -J] had picked up a piece of the broken sword. She held it in her hands
and looked up at the assembled Legionaires.
"He is gone." she said simply.
***
Next Issue: Bad-Timing Boy No More!
Credits:
Bad-Timing Boy, Cheesecake-Eater Lad, Browsing Boy and Doctor Stomper are
Public Domain.
Ordinary Lady appears courtesy of Martin Phipps, who is _no_ relation to the
Appallingly Tasteless Man. :-)
Ultimate Ninja, All-Knowing-Last-Chance-Whiner-Destiny Woman, and Sister
State-The-Obvious appear courtesy of wReam, who seems to have a thing for
long names.
Jaelle
